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Needless to say, an abusive relationship is one where there is no trust.The key to avoiding abuse and promoting trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space.It sounded to me that you want me to..." If you are an "advanced" listener, try not only to reflect back the content, but the emotional tone as well.For example, "It seems you are really annoyed with me and you want me to be more careful the next time I..." A crucial component of good communication is the consistent use "I-statements" as opposed to "you-statements." I statements unite, while you-statements alienate and create distance. " A you-statement begins with "You make me feel..." A you-statement is almost always experienced as an attack.When I own my feelings and opinions by using an I-statement, I am communicating that I am taking responsibility for the issue and not blaming my spouse.When a person feels he or she cannot express their needs to the other person, then this leads to a break down in trust. Either we are afraid of rejection or we are afraid of feeling ashamed for having such needs.

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I can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse.

If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, than you are probably building an unsafe one.

I can't tell you how many couples I've worked with whose problems are rooted in a lack of problem solving skills.

When issues don't get resolved, then resentments develop and fester. Just in case you didn't know, fighting is a part of any good marriage!

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